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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26106580">illicit affairs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalsLaundry/pseuds/CalsLaundry'>CalsLaundry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Cheating, general sadness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 06:15:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,360</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26106580</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalsLaundry/pseuds/CalsLaundry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>-You pass the halfway point and you stop at the red light. You twist your wedding ring from your finger and put it in the door pocket. <br/>*I can stop any time I want*<br/>The light changes and you keep going.<br/>*I just don’t want to*-</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alastor (Hazbin Hotel)/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>illicit affairs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>When my friend heard "illicit affairs" from Taylor Swift's new album, he said he was surprised I hadn't written anything based on it. So then I took that as a challenge and here we are.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>You still remember the day you first laid eyes on him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It feels cliche to think on it like this, while you get dressed for your hundredth date. But as you dress, it’s all you can think about.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He was so handsome. It felt like a movie; your eyes met across the room and your heart skipped and you still remember the ringing silence as everyone around you disappeared and there was only him. You caught the glint in his eye when he saw you staring, and you caught that same look when the space between you closed and you were side by side. That first touch, the smallest tangling of fingers in politeness, was your downfall.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>At a distance, he was handsome, but up close, he was ethereally beautiful. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He still is even now.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It aches to even think about.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Ready.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>You trot down the stairs too quickly, and at the bottom, you call “See you later!”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have fun, baby,” Harry kisses your forehead and smiles against it and your stomach drops and you force your own smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Never as fun without you,” you wave and you’re off out the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter what Alastor does to you, it’s hard not to hate yourself more with every sweet kiss from Harry. You drive across town with a lump in your throat and your heart aching. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You pass the halfway point and you stop at the red light. You twist your wedding ring from your finger and put it in the door pocket. </span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I can stop any time I want.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The light changes and you keep going.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I just don’t want to.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>The drive is too quick. The sickening feeling in your stomach persists, until you see the bar on the edge of town.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You check your reflection and get out of the car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Every time you step through that door feels like the first time.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Should I turn back now?</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I could go back. I don’t have to tell a soul. Just go home.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <span>But the flash of auburn hair and green eyes in the far corner.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I am home</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your stomach flips and his face lights up more with every step you take across the room, until you settle across from him and the pure wonder and adoration in his eyes is enough to make you forget anything outside of this booth exists.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He takes your hand with a smile that says much more than words ever could. The ache dulls and you squeeze his hand in return.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hi, Al,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“My dear, to call you radiant would be lower than an understatement,” You glance away when you smile, but Alastor knows you well enough to know you would. He takes the opportunity to lean across the table and peck your cheek.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you,” your words are barely a breath, but you know he hears.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know I missed you too,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“But it’s good to hear it,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The hours drip by too quickly, and it feels like mere moments before the lights get lower and your cue to stand comes. Your car is beside his; an accident but you wonder if it truly was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The street and parking lot are empty. The workers, all strangers, file out without a glance in your direction. You’re as much strangers to them as they are to you, they don’t cast a second glance, though you wonder if they know that neither of you should be here.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It’s only when they leave and the only company is the soft buzz of a flickering street lamp that Alastor steals a kiss. It’s soft, like you’re children. He steals another, and with each kiss, you grow together, until you’re at an altar and you’re his forever.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forever is shattered with the buzz of a phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He steps back, and swipes his thumb across his bottom lip as if the trace of your last kiss could be heard through his phone.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes, my dear? No, not much longer,” he waits, glances at you, and the look in his eyes betrays his every feeling, “Of course! Alright, I’ll see you soon,” he swallows thickly, and this time his eyes offer you an apology, “I love you too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Forever lies between the gravel underfoot in the glinting dust between forgettable pebbles.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He double, triple checks his phone is disconnected before he turns back to you.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your back presses to the driver door of your car as he steps closer, until his arms cage you against it, and your breath mingles with his; “When will you let me run away with you?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>It was once a joke, when this-whatever this is-was in its infancy. When you swore every time was the last one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your answer is always the same; “When you let me run away with you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He rests his forehead against yours and for that moment, you’re tempted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Well, more tempted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He steals another kiss; this one beyond whatever timeline the others had created.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>This one is eternity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And this one breaks your heart all over again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls back with a longing look, one that aches as much as you do, and he kisses your forehead with the same softness. He holds you there, cradles you as if the world will stop as long as you’re still. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You are worth every heartbreak,” he whispers the words against your forehead, “I’ll suffer it a million times, my love, without a single regret as long as it means even a mere second of being everything to you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He pulls back again and your eyes meet and behind his, you can see the movie play out; the one where you run away now and never speak a word to anyone and make new names and live out your days where heartache and betrayal and sorrow can never find you. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>And you’re tempted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And that’s why you get into your car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>His face crumples for a moment outside the window, for a moment it’s just like some movie with the sound turned off and not your life. But you roll it down. He leans on the line where the window disappeared and you kiss him. One hand cradles your head, pulls your forehead to his when the kiss ends and pulls you back for another when his phone rings again.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It says everything you can’t say.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry, my dear, I got caught up with an old friend! ...Absolutely, rather lucky I got wrapped up then! I’ll be home soon,” You start your engine as he speaks, you can’t hear it again, but his hand lands on yours on the wheel and you look at him, his eyes travel through every line of your face; “I love you, I’ll see you soon,” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>You mouth the words back to him and you pull away before he’s even back in his car.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You don’t see the roads home.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You arrive home with the scent of Alastor in your lungs and the ache of his kiss in your chest and you crawl into bed with the heaviest heart.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Harry wraps an arm around your waist, pulls you back to him, presses a kiss to your shoulder.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Have a good night?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A bare murmur, and you simply “mmhm” in response.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Missed you,” his sleepy voice gives away how deeply asleep he was when you arrived but you force a smile back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go back to sleep, Har,”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>He nods against your shoulder and snores softly in seconds.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>It rains.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And for every patter against the window, you wish for another moment with Alastor, that it were his arms around you, his lips against your shoulder, his hair tickling your neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Your ring weighs your left hand down.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>You swallow the hot sick feeling in your chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rain continues, a tap for every piece of forever you left in that parking lot, and when you close your eyes, that forever is wrapped around you, no longer glinting dust, but the repaired ruins of your self-made heartbreak. It’ll ruin again, undoubtedly, but that single moment where the glint of forever is a promise rather than a dream is worth your heart breaking every moment of your life.</span>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p>
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